Mom Job Description

Mom Job Description

8674946413_71c98193a6_oHelp Wanted: Baby seeking mom to help with feeding, care, cuddling and diaper changing. Around-the-clock attention required.

I would guess that is the job description most women have in their heads when they sign up for this crazy ride called “motherhood.” But those moms who’ve been around the crib a time or two know it’s not so simple.

The real mom job description includes a few surprises:

Dentist Pulling teeth is about as much fun… as pulling teeth. The expression makes sense to moms. Pulling teeth is usually bloody, tearful, and, quite frankly, pretty frightening, considering most moms don’t exactly know what we’re doing!!

Fun Killer “Time to brush teeth!” “Bed time!” “Did you do your homework?” “Please pick up this mess!” A mom’s job is never done until she knows everyone else’s jobs are also done. She’s the one who has to say no to a second helping of ice cream or fifth slice of pizza. It’s an important job in the long run, but it’s not fun to be the fun killer.

Trash Collector The words, “Here, Mom” are almost always followed by the kids handing over a piece of trash. It doesn’t matter where we are, they must figure Mom will take care of it. What amazes me, though, is when they walk past a trash can in order to hand me their garbage. Then they’re told to turn around and throw it away themselves. Even trash collectors have their limits!

Poop Cheerleader All moms know to expect to change thousands of diapers for each baby. But they’re not prepared for all the other ways poop makes its way into their daily routine. You may have to clean poop off the carpet, off the walls, even out of your hair. You may also turn into a poop cheerleader for a toddler who’s terrified to #2. Moms have been known to quote Austin Powers, “You show that turd who’s boss!”

Performer It’s fun to make up silly songs to entertain toddlers in the privacy of your own home, but the concept of privacy is lost on the little ones. When you’re standing around with a group of parents and they ask you to sing that song from last night, there’s no point in trying to resist. You may as well embrace your inner rock star and belt it out.

Cardiac Surgeon Moms are heart-menders. When those little eyes look at you overflowing with tears, it’s your duty and privilege to scoop them up, give them a hug and fix whatever is breaking their heart. But it’s not just their heart you have to mend; no matter the reason, when there’s a child with a broken heart, there’s usually a mom with a broken heart nearby.  

Motherhood: The toughest, messiest, happiest, scariest, never-ending, most tiring, most rewarding job ever created. Help wanted.

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